Lie steer ( Liebster ) Award ( non – predictive in brackets )

Ok. Let me see how much of this I can remember.

Numero Uno. Thank you DarkDelilah for nominating me for a Liebster. What a lovely lady you are. Why why why DarkDelilah is my question. Just kidding. From what I understand the award is given to those of us relatively new to blogging and/or if you have a small following. It helps get you out there and also lets people have that extra trickle of info about you and your peers. It’s also a way of introducing other bods blogs to your followers, so everyone’s a winner!..

I started reading Double D because like me she has a rough time dealing with day to day life. Frankly the majority of the time she has a far more positive spin on it than I do. Double D also explains herself a lot clearer than I do. I think sometimes I ramble. She is extremely honest and tells it as it is. The other thing about it, which maybe a tad sadistic, the saddest stories for all of us can sometimes have the darkest humour. It’s well worth a butchers if you get 5 minutes. Please, check it out. http://www.darkdelilah.wordpress.com

If the Internet is supposed to be cheerful why doesn’t it start https:)) …. Just a thought!

Ok, so the general guidelines ( some may say rules ) to being awarded a Liebster are as follows:

  1. Thank the blogger that nominated you ( it’s the least you can do after all )
  2. Display the award on your page/post , it’ll be on my post somewhere
  3. Answer the questions set by the blogger who nominated you
  4. Choose 11 bloggers you would like to nominate ( ideally with less than 200 followers )
  5. Create a new set of questions for your nominated bloggers.. ( I assume it can be any number )

Note to self don’t forget to stick Award on post.


Now to the questions DarkDelilah set me:

1. Tell me something I don’t already know about you

I’ve had 2 heart operations which incurred 108 stitches, and saw me under Great Ormond Street hospital for my 1st 16yrs. Not sure whether that’s new info though. I drive a Ford Fiesta. Due to a side effect of my ops, as a child I used to have to dunk my toast in my tea/coffee before eating it. It became a mealtime favourite.

2. What do you consider being your biggest achievement so far?

I’m sure my good lady being the positive one would say there are lots but for me I haven’t achieved anything yet. Maybe being alive. According to the doctors there was a good chance I wasn’t going to make it to 18.. But here I am. I’m 42 so that showed them. I know a lot of people would say well you should be thankful and grasp every moment on that basis but they haven’t worn my shoes, and if they were anything other than a size 8 it could be really uncomfortable.

3. If I could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

Dont get me wrong, I was only there for a day but there was something about St.Kitts & Nevis that really got to me. I hate the cold, so obviously that was a winner to start with and the people are so friendly. The feel of the place was just right. Overlooking the ocean would be perfect. Alternatively Southern Ireland, Donegal. You couldn’t meet nicer people. The weather is dire but the life is simple. I think ideally anywhere awash with ocean/river/lake views where the pace is slow and peaceful would do me. Not necessarily in the middle of nowhere but far enough away from the madding crowd, and with a decent pub. I might even make it to 50!

4. What made you start blogging?

In my own head there are very few things that I’m good at other than beating myself up. One thing I consider myself to be reasonably okay with is words. I’m far more confident with a pen than in real life situations. One bod I consider a best pal has been blogging for donkeys. He encouraged me. I enjoy writing so I thought I’d have a swing at it, and here I am. whether I’m good at it or not for the time being for me is irrelevant. It’s a release and helps me.

5. Who would you say is your greatest influence or idol ?

Biggest influence – not that I saw it but my father who passed away in 2010. My brother who introduced me to Arsenal. My first love and addiction. My sister and my cousin. They introduced me to Madness ( the band, not the state of mind ). Idols – Suggs from Madness, Paul Weller. David Rocastle and Dennis Bergkamp, 2 supremely talented and humble footballers. I’ve been fortunate to watch them grace a football pitch and will always be thankful of that. Sorry I know the question stated idol. Oh and Sid James.

6. What is your favourite movie and why?

My missus would say it’s castaway. Whenever I’m bored Castaway seems to be on. Shawshank Redemption would be up there. Blues Brothers. Stripes, I love Bill Murray. Kingpin?.. No, my favourite film has to be ‘Young Frankenstein’ with Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman. No matter how many times I watch it, and believe me I’ve watched it a lot I end up on the floor in tears. “I-I-I ain’t got no-bo-oo-dee,  and no body cares for me”

7. What cheers you up when you are having a bad day?

Sometimes nothing. Mostly though, my wife, how she puts up with it I’ve no idea. My cat Madge ( as seen below ), my writing, and my friends. footage of Arsenal beating Sperz. If all else fails, stick on Young Frankenstein. If that does nothing. Leave me alone.


8. Why did you choose the name of your blog?

its virtually an anagram of my name, if you remove 7 letters then add 8 new ones. I couldn’t come up with something original and my nickname given to me by a friend is Rollo so it was supposed to be therolloblog but I mistyped it.

9. What 3 words do you think best describe yourself?

Ugly, tired, boring….. On a better day, ugly, funny, considerate

10. What do I like to do in my spare time?

Mainly eat out, go to football, watch bands. I used to read a bit, and go to the pub, socially interact a lot but most of these activities have stopped more recently as I’ve not been at work since a car accident last year. Ooh and write my blog.

11. Which do you prefer, tea or coffee?

Solely to drink neither. I prefer fruit teas such as Lemon or blueberry and apple. If I had to choose though, probably coffee. I could dip my toast in it!

I hope this has enlightened you all. Now what did I have to do next?.. Ahh, the peeps I nominate for a Liebster Award are the following:

http://www.frankstubbstours.wordpress.com

http://www.livinginanotrightmind.com

http://www.sommelierkeithblog.wordpress.com

http://www.iamchronic.wordpress.com

http://www.clatterbabble.wordpress.com

http://dragonesa.com this could be http://drrgonesa.com

http://grumpyoldtrout.com

http://Ciuffetellisimone.com

http://www.Anelalimaq.com

Think that’s right. Now 9 people so 9 questions

What’s your favourite city?

Ultimate holiday destination ( whether you have been there or not )?

If you were a herb or spice which would it be and why?

Who would play you in a film about yourself?

If you could go back to any era what era would it be?

If you could change 1 thing about yourself what would it be?

You can rescue 3 things from a burning house, what are they? Not inc people

The last film you watched/last cd you bought or downloaded?

Neil Armstrong setting foot on the moon…True or a lie? Explain briefly

many thanks again to DarkDelilah xx

 

 

 

12 hours 

At 6 I arrive home, with a wave of relief,

Away from the torment, the pain and the grief.

I slip off my shoes, sit down at the table,

Take a deep breath, read the news if I’m able….

At 7, the panic and anguish return,

I feel them already, just starting to burn,

I’m simply not hungry, I know I must eat,

Lethargy wins, I admit to defeat….

By 8 I’m distracted, the cat plays with her toys,

Conversations with loved ones, dull into white noise.

Quite often when here, I wonder how it must be,

The frustration and anger of living with me….

Around 9pm, I try watching TV,

I simply can’t focus, I just want to flee,

My stomach does cartwheels, my palms fill with sweat,

Crashing waves over me, a fish caught in a net….

At 10pm, my eyes become increasingly red,

Uncontrollable tears,  as I sit on my bed,

I’m increasingly tired, I’m not able to sleep,

My heart it just races, I continue to weep…..

It’s 11pm now, maybe music will relax,

To help calm the nerves, stop the panic attacks,

Dead still I lay, trying to engage every note,

Avoiding the issue of my now bone dry throat….

At midnight, the quiet should give me some peace,

My minds working overtime, thought processes increase.

Financial, emotional, working life, stress,

Everyone deals with it, I cope with it less….

It’s now 1 am, in an armchair I sit,

Cursing myself, for being so shit,

I can’t sleep, I can’t think, why am I so weak?

A failure, waste of space, the future feels bleak….

By 2am it’s desperate, I feel so awake,

My mindset is dull, but my body just shakes,

Negative thoughts, start to enter my head,

This would be easier, if I was just dead….

As 3am approaches, I’m feeling quite sick,

Popped paracetamols, hoping they’ll do the trick,

Searching my mind,  for the lamest excuse, 

Don’t make me go back there, just give me a noose….

The clock strikes 4am, with pills on the table,

I don’t feel uncomfortable, I feel mentally stable,

My head it is pounding,there’s no lack of control,

But Is this the answer, out of this black hole…..

At 5 I still sit there, staring at the abyss,

No idea what to do, has it really come to this ?

One glass of water, it should be enough,

But for those left behind, it’s not fair, it’s too rough…

6am alarm goes off, despair and my heart sinks,

Where has all the time gone, could do with 40 winks,

Showered, dressed, out the door, on the train and meet a friend,

Smile, wave, laugh, have a joke…… And here we go again!